Sitting Comfortably?
by Loptr
Summary: Beckett Chair. Rodney makes Carson sit in the Chair AGAIN and after what happened in Antarctica...the chair isn't pleased. (I decided to write a Second Chapter. I may even write a third.)
1. A New Chair

Sitting comfortably

By Estellio

Rating: PG-13 (Aren't they all)

Summary: Beckett / Chair. I read a story with that paring and I couldn't resist. I mean, how random is THAT! Basically, this is what _might_ have been going on in the first episode, behind the scenes.A little weird but tell me what you think.

A/N: When Beckett is thinking it's in Italics, same when he's talking to the chair but when the chair talks back it's got brackets around it. You'll see what I mean.

_**IOIOIO**_

"Look, we've been through this, I'm not your man." Carson said, exasperatedly, but the grip Rodney had on his arm was like Steel as he guided him to the chair.

_Don't make me do this_

"Keep moving." The Canadian ordered, brining him into the chair room.

_There it is. Oh my god, let me out of here._

"I'm a doctor. A medical Doctor."

_Who isn't comfortable sitting in that…THING!_

"There's nothing to be afraid of." Rodney said, annoyed as they rounded the corner which led to the steps.

_Nothing to be afraid of my mother's lemon pie! The things a menace._

"You don' understand. I break things like this."

_I WANT to break things like this._

"This device survived for millions of years intact, it will survive you."

_Yes but will I survive it?_

"Now sit down, close you eyes and concentrate." Rodney gave him a little push and Carson sat.

_Concentrate on battling a chair that is coming onto me like a cheap hooker looking for a job?_

Carson sighed, he realised there was no getting out of this.

_(Welcome back darling.)_

_Don't call me that!_

_(But you are my darling.) _

'_I don't want to be. Please, leave me alone. I have to concentrate.'_

_(Why don't you like me? Is it because I'm a chair?)_

'_Well…a little bit, yes. I mean, you're a chair, I'm a guy, how is that supposed to work?'_

_(I KNEW IT WAS BECAUSE I'M A CHAIR! IT'S NOT LIKE A CAN HELP THE WAY I WAS MADE! YOUR SUCH A PIG.)_

'_Oh. NO! I didn't mean it like tha'. Don't be upset.'_

_(How _did_ you mean it then? Because it seemed pretty clear to me!)_

'_Well…how is this meant ta work. You're a chair, I'm a guy. It jus' can't work, luv.'_

_(When you sit on me, our consciousness melds. I'm just as good as any woman_.)

Arousal shot through him and he jerked up from the chair, eyes wide.

"Again nothin'." He said panicked.

"This time, just, try to imagine an image of where we are in the solar system." Carson closed his eyes.

'Please, don't start. I jus' need to see where we are in the solar system. Can ya do that?'

_(Of course I can but I won't. you've hurt my feelings.)_

'_Please darling?'_

_(Aw, you called me darling…No. You can't sweet talk your way out of it. You've offended me! It wont work.)_

'Oh god, that's it. When general O' Neill gets here, he can make ya work. I'm bloody well through with ya.' 

A tingling started deep in the pit of his stomach.

"I think I feel something." Rodney leant forward, eager. "It could be lunch related." Instantly Rodney stood up, seriously pissed off looking.

"Shut up and concentrate." Carson sighed and closed his eyes. Immediately he felt the tingling in his stomach again.

(_Who is General O' Neill?)_

'_He activated the chair on another planet and got our ZPM.'_

_(He will be coming to sit in me? Activate me?)_

'_Yeah'_

_(UNACCEPTABLE! I AM NOT A COMMON CHAIR TO BE SAT ON BY WHOMEVER IT PLEASES!)_

The drone began to glow and it had one command.

Seek out General O' Neill and destroy.

"What did I do?" he hadn't realised he had said it out loud and he watched through different eyes as the drone weaved its way around the helicopter. Trying to hit it.

"I told you I was the wrong person." He said in almost a robotic voice.

"It doesn't matter now, just do something."

"Like what?" The chair was out of control with jealousy.

"Carson, concentrate on shutting that weapon down before it hurts someone."

'_Please, chair. Please, stop. I won't let him sit on you. I wont let anyone sit in you. You're my chair. Mine. All mine. And I'm your…sitter?'_

_(You're just saying that)_

'_Nah, may god strike meh down if I'm tellin' a lie. I like ya, I really do. Sorta afraid but please, call off the drone.'_

_(No.)_

'_I'LL NEVER SIT IN YA AGAIN IF YOU DON'T!'_ He watched the drone narrowly miss the helicopter and dive into the ice. It travelled along the icy water and then burst up through the ice.

'_SHUT IT OFF NOW DARLIN'!' _He concentrated hard on shutting off the drone. '_If they die I'll never be allowed sit in you again!'_

The drone deactivated and slid to a halt in front of O' Neill.

"I think I did it!" He saw Weir sigh with relief and relaxed into the chair. "Holy crap."

When he found out he was going to Atlantis he was ecstatic but when Rodney asked him to sit in the chair he panicked.

It's not like the same chair, I suppose. He thought, sitting down.

(Hello Darling. Welcome back)


	2. The Chair Strikes Back

Sitting comfortably

By Estellio

Rating: PG-13 (T)

Summary: Beckett / Chair. Rodney makes Carson sit on the Atlantis Chair with some….unexpected results.

_**IOIOIO**_

"No! I won't do it! I jus' won't do it, Rodneh!" Rodney heaved a sigh and grabbed Carson by the scruff of his neck.

"It. Is. Just. A. Chair."

"Itainjussa chair! 'salive an' crazy lika BADGER!" Rodney couldn't be sure, but he thought that was Carson trying to communicate to him…something about licking a badger?

"SPEAK ENGLISH!"

"Ah Canneh help it, me accent gets a wee bit more pronounced when ah'm nervous an in case ya had neh noticed, I'm NERVOUS!" Rodney rolled his eyes with a pain expression.

"Carson. It. Is. Just. A. chair. We've been over this. It can do you no harm."

"Speak for yourself. Last time it nearly blew Major Sheppard and General O' Neill outta the sky! It can do a lotta damage!"

"This chair has barely any power, we just want to make sure it's in working order. You can do _nothing_ with this chair. You probably can't even turn it on." Carson swallowed and looked over at it. Sitting over there, looking all innocent and nice and…CHAIR LIKE! Sinister, Scottish loving, piece of man trap! The only reason it allowed Major Sheppard to activate it was because she wanted to make him jealous. It hadn't worked…though he had been a little bit constipated but that was lunch, not chair, related. It was important you kept the two separate.

"Sit down, Carson."

"No."

"CARSON!" Rodney shoved him down in the chair but Carson just leapt back up.

"D'ya like doin' this ta me? Torturing me? D'ya get ah kick outta it? I thought we were friends! Friends would neh do this ta each other, Rodney! They wouldn't! Do it to Major Sheppard, ya don't like him!" Rodney mumbled something under his breath about hair and static electricity and motioned to Zelenka who was standing, somewhat idle, off in one corner.

"Alright, plan B, Razic."

"Radek." The Czech said in a bored voice, it obviously wasn't the first time today he had corrected him.

"Plan Beh? What's Plan Beh?"

"GETTIM!" A rope was rapped around his forearms and Carson found himself being tied to the chair.. "NO! He screeched. "NO YA DON'T KNOW THE FORCE YA COULD UNLEASH!"

"You can't harm the city, the chair wont do that." Rodney sighed.  
"IT'S NOT THE CITY AH'M WORRIED ABOU'! IT'S MEH! SHE'S A PSYCHO!"

"She?" Both Rodney and Radek looked up, confused. How could he explain this to them. "She who?"

"The chair…it's sentient an…it's _complicated_."

"When are vomen not?" Radek muttered and that's when Carson felt it.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING! YOU'RE SITTING IN ANOTHER CHAIR! THE SHAME! YOU _USED _ME! YOU LYING CHEATING PIG! That's it, I'm never speaking to you again!" The bonds on his arms snapped and he was freed from the chair and it bucked, sending him sprawling to the floor.

"WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED!" Rodney shouted, running to aid his fallen comrade.

"She…dumped me?" Carson laughed. "Quite literally actually!"

_**IOIOIO**_

A/N: This probably wont be the end. I'll write one more chapter...maybe two and maybehave him and the chair reconcile and get back to together. We all know Carson could do with a wee bit of loving. Sorry about the accent too. I went a bit Scotty over it! I originally intended this as a one shot but...(Shrugs) When your muse calls the shots, anything goes. Good muse (Pets my muse on the head)


End file.
